We are yet but young in deed
This past week we closed up shop (or band shell) in San Pedro (until closing weekend). 2 Macbeths and one Shrew there this week. Saturday's Mackers felt good. I still have a lot of things I'm working on, but Melissa (my brilliant Lady M.) and I really found the way into the story on Saturday. When you are in the presence of truly brilliant, passionate, unwavering commitment to authenticity and encounter the desperate need to go deeper, you can't help but get swept up in it. I told Booey that she is a blow-torch of authenticity and moment-to-moment work! And now I share that with you. I am continuously inspired by her.
After that show, we set about the task of the first truck loading. The first time is a sort of like Tetris, but with many very large platforms and many oddly shaped pieces of wood needing to fit into a 15 foot truck. In years past, this has been a marathon. (And Saturday was one of the hottest days we've ever experienced, so we weren't moving very rapidly after doing this very physical and bloody tragedy and also putting up and taking down the set). But BJ is a genius on many levels. Not only an amazing actor and musician. He's also that guy who gets shit done. Seriously, if there is ever something (literally anything) I don't know how to do, I call BJ and he does it. So, with him in the truck, we were actually out of the park before midnight. And then we unloaded it today.
Tonight was our first tour stop in RPV (Rancho Palos Verdes to those of you not familiar with South Bay slang). Which is roughly 12 minutes from where I live. So that was nice. BJ and I discovered a new way to unload platforms from the truck tonight (20 years in and still learning new tricks). The set was up maybe quicker than any first time set build in our history. And we had like 600 people come out and watch us do Shrew. Most notably some of Morgan's family! Morgan (who is our amazing Kate) just moved to LA. Her adorable son had his birthday and was in attendance tonight. (and last night too, but tonight I think is probably a night he will long remember). We did the show, and sang happy birthday and then loaded up and headed out.
This was my penultimate performance as Gremio in Shrew. Jackie (my sweet Bianca) is distraught...or so she says. (Very Bianca like). But I told her to pick Gremio tonight and did she? No.
-So, Lots of reasons. But mainly my capacity to do both ran into financial, family, and timing road blocks. (Paying baby-sitters more than I would actually make after having just done two over lapping shows--one of which was pushed back to overlap these two other shows...)
-Also Playing Macbeth takes a lot out of me, but so does Gremio. Actually it is harder for me to physically play Gremio that Macbeth. My neck and back are a mess...mostly from playing that old coot.
-Have you ever bit off more than you can chew? I did. And was choking.
-Something had to give. And luckily Greg is going to take over most of the rest of the run, and Cy will step in for those he can't do. Except next Sunday night at Saddleback College. That will be the last PV-Gremio. Although we have joked that at some point all three of us are going to do alternating scenes in the same costume for fun.
-My guilt of having to leave the show has been assuaged by Greg's excitement to step in and do it. If I knew I could make Greg that happy, I would have left weeks ago. Because he's my Greg and I love him like a son/brother/other awesome important relation.
Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep now too. I'm not sure. Because, as I've said, Macbeth doesn't sleep, nor does he allow those who dare to play him sleep.
Here are some of the thoughts I have had this week in embodying the Scot:
-Iago was so much easier to play. He tells the audience what he's going to do and then just does it. Just play the text and it plays itself. Macbeth tells the audience what he's going through and is working through it as he tells it (much like I do weekly in this blog) and then decides on a course of action only to have it immediately reversed by the new information of the next scene.
-In the Banquoet (tm) I really need to get the eff away from that ghost.
-Ok, seeing the apparitions...hum...I've taken this potion that the witches have given me which fucks me up (I just used "eff" in my last example, can't I keep it PG?) so how real are they? In fact, how real is anything I see? Banquo and the apparitions are onstage with me, but the imaginary dagger isn't, nor is the ghost Lady M I see at the end--spoiler alert. I hear the body guards pray, but I also hear a voice cry "sleep no more" etc. Supernatural stuff (almost wrote "shit" but didn't...oops) is one thing, but when the playwright himself breaks the convention...WTF, Billy Shakes? Also in this scene I hear a noise that the audience doesn't hear and it messes (PG) me up.
-Why does Shakespeare put big fight scenes at the end of plays? Is the audience watching me breathe as I lie there dead (spoiler). WTF, Bill?
-These rhyming couplets. Ok. Heightened verse, I get it. Lean into it, but not so much that it doesn't sound authentic, and do so while being in the moment. WTF, Master Shakespeare?
-How is Melissa so good at this at such a young age?
-Do people think it's weird that I'm so much older than my Lady M? Probably not, that's always been the way of the world. But do they think it's gross? Did I hear a laugh when we kissed? I'm going to kill somebody.
-Stop caring about what the audience thinks of this, Patrick. Jesus. You are playing this role. Nobody is here to witness your insecurities. They just want to see Macbeth. Get that Iago swagger back.
-Ok, so I felt good about 75% of it. Now let's conquer the other 25, without losing what we've found. It's slippery as fuck. (Why do you have to curse, PV?)
Aren't you glad you don't live in my brain?
Yet despite the insecurities and the lack of sleep, and the difficulties (financial and personal) I am loving every second of it. I'm alive. I'm creating (and in the process of continual creation) my Macbeth. With all of the amazing, lovely, wonderful artists that we are blessed to have. We are creating an experience which is deep and full and from the core of our beings. And even though it isn't fully realized (nor may it even be possible to fully realize) it is very human and authentic and filled with magic and imagination.
-I do finally believe that this role (and play) is achievable. Whether or not I am the one (or we are the ones) to finally do it, I don't know. (But maybe...just maybe). At any rate, we are moving the dial in that direction in this great artistic conversation of which we are all a part.
-I have talked with many fellow actors who have played Macbeth. They have all had wild dreams, and lack of sleep while they took it on.
We aren't quite halfway done yet. And tour separates the wheat from the chaff. I have already been separated out of much of it (leaving Shrew). It is interesting that I have more physical energy this year than last. I am approaching the set loading, build, and unloading as a workout. It's been great. Just need to lay off all the pizza and pastrami that shows up backstage.
We are yet but young in deed.
We have only just begun.
But like the play, it's going to be a roller coaster from now to closing night.
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